going to states this week.
not in the situation to go, but mom wants me to. bad. even yelled at me.
parents should never use their own death as a threat to their child to do something.
that is just mean.

one of the worst prepared nights.

washed my car. i named my car long time ago. it's c dang.

세상을 알기엔 아직 어린나이 세상을 의지하기엔 이미 커버린 나는 이 혼돈속의 정리를 원한다
to know the world yet too young, to depend the world now too old, i want the order to this chaos.

두가지 세계에서 외면당한 서러움 나와 같은 공허속의 이름.. 신세대.
sorrowed by the shunning of these two worlds, share the name of the void... the 'new generation'.

우리를 바라보는 포장된 시선들은 배부른 소리를 하지 말라고 한다. 그때가 좋았다고 한다
the eyes packaged with the worldliness look at us and say, it is the best time of our lives.

그건 나약한 사고이다 어느 시간속에 존재하건 자신의 행복은 자신의 책임이다.
that is a shallow and weak speculation. whenever period of life you exists the happiness is your own responsibilty.

시대의.. 시간의 책임이 아니다.
its not the period's... or the time's... responsibilty.

나와 같은 신세대여..
to the new generation which i am the part of...

아무런 대책없는 미래에 대한 넋두리 이젠 닥쳐주었으면 한다.
i wish you would now stop and shut up about the complaints and whines, about the future without any promises.

냉정한 내 사고에 숨이 막혀오는 때도 있을것이다.
you could be suffocated with my coldheartedness of my opinion.

나약한 영혼이 되버릴수 밖에 없다면 그 도피의 끝은 결국 죽음조차 되지 않을것이다.
if one can only follow the road to be a weak-minded soul, the end of that evasion there even won't be death,

영원히 죽지못해 깨어있을수 밖에 없는 날개를 잃어버린 추락하는 영혼이 될수밖에 없을것이다.
all you can be will be falling souls who will never find peace.

나는 두가지길중 사람들의 발자취가 없는 가시밭길을 택하련다.
i will take the road of thorns, which nobody has taken and left footprints on.

나의 선택쯤에 따르는 고통은 견딜수 있다. 가시를 밟으며 피를 흘릴지라도
i can endure the pain followd by my own decision. even if i step on the thorns and bleed.

새로운 곳에 내가 먼저 갈수 있다면......
if i can be the first one to reach the new...


written by seotaiji, the music-god of korea when he was dropping out of high school 10+ years ago.
even if this wasn't written by him,
the writer has realized what i have a year ago. he has excuted his will whereas i am still...
i will. i will awake. i will do it. i will execute.

oh yeah. translation is not my thing obviously.

the date system won't work if i write something in the day time -_-;;
from now on, i'll use the date the events happend on.
anyways, had a sweet dream. i was at school. same class with someone cute, i liked. had p.e.-_-;; with her and ran around. but didn't figure out who she was. don't remember.
it was a nice dream for a change. i don't get this kind of dream lately, or for awhile. for a half a year.

edited my second video today. it was okay. less fun that justin's. the bride was not very fun to look at. not that justin's is...

another hostage executed. this time it was a korean worker.
can you still joke about it? can you still make fun of the decapitation of heads?
i believe it was the best decision for the korean government not to give in to terrorist's demands, to sacrifice one for greater good,
yet, what is that greater good? is it to be on good sides with america? or is it really for peace and end of terriosm in iraq?
why are they in iraq anyways? that question's answer could answer the above question.
mr. kim begged for the troops to move out on the video sent by the terrorists, for his life, because his life was important.
anyone else would have acted the same in this situation. this act stirred up sympathy for most of people in korea.
if it was me in the situation, i would have known that my country is not going to retreat the forces for me, and would have gave up,
and silently wait for my death or have left a will of vengeance on the video tape for everyone to watch.
that may cause national bonding and movement, knowing the korean 'hotness'. start a war. that would be for better greater good. right. smart.
so why am i saying all these? i don't know. fuck you. just having a bad day. who cares. dosen't even make a difference. just plain loser talk.

some events happend to me today told myself that i lack fear. idiots do not feel fear. am i an idiot? or am i blabbering out all this because i'm really afraid deep down? or frustrated? or lack of abilty to channel my anger?
of what?
don't ask me any of this. chances are, i forgot it already because the state i am in right now doesn't come often.

slept all day. what else is new. hottest day ever.

dad came back today. end of freedom.

woke up with three phone calls. dazed.
went for lunch. still dazed.
had a visit to the site. am i dazed?

stayed home all day with anna. after dinner,
she decides that she wants to go out. i decide, 'screw you. im tired'.
she goes, 'i'll kill you'. i go, let's play tennis. found the racquets in halfen hour of search. can't find the tennis balls.
screw tennis. just goto playground. anna takes her heelys. and... it is harder than it looks dudes.

dinner,drinks,k with the sunbaes. had me thinking. will i ever get where they are at?
will i be stuck at this place for a long time?
will i be like them in few years?
all useless questions.

loads happend. dk leaving for toronto for a month, yuna going to korea, ray moving out. lost three members. will it be alright?
hell yeah. we don't need you bitches!!! i already have a replacement for you people!

ray moved today to his new home. quiet neigbourhood, with some creepy neigbours.
got our selves a new crib/hideout! hehehe

what have you done for the past two weeks?
i think it is safe to say,
NOTHING! WAKE UP YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!